Big Red, or Red Poison?

As I sit in class, Three hours long mind you, I always require a beverage to drink. Or else I will surely fall asleep. As I was nearing my third hour of class, I ran out of my beauteous Mountain Dew: Code Red and so decided to buy another drink. At the soda machine, I could not find any desirable drinks and my eyes fell upon Big Red. That looks delicious I thought! I proceeded to buy the soda and returned to class. I opened the bottle, crimson red, And rose it to my mouth.
I took a drink.
And almost died.
Big Red is poisonous and disgusting and I will prove it to you in a few simple steps.

1. People just normally don't like it. Put it this way. at http://www.bigred.com/ I discovered an interesting fact, 12,800 people are fans of Big Red on Facebook. And there are around 2 MILLION people on facebook. I calculated a fraction, and 4/625 of people like Big Red.
Basically, to put it in an easier way, If you had a senior class of 625, the skitzo, the nerd that speaks elven, that girl with 18 babies, and the homeschooler who is actually 12 would be the ones who like Big Red. Need I say more?

2. It does not taste good with Flamin Hot Cheetos. Flamin hot Cheetos are probably the best food in the world, and if a drink does not taste good with it, then it sucks. The Big Red practically took the taste buds off my tongue and My tongue felt all weird.

3. The Name doesn't make sense. Really? REALLY? Big Red. It's Red, and its Big?Yeah. wow.....It's almost as bad as their counterparts, - Big Blue, Big Peach, And Big Honey Lemonade. Now doesnt that sound delish? Anyways, Big Blue, is basically Big Red, but with Blue dye instead of red. Why don't they make Big Green? Or Big Mauve. Jeez

4. It tastes like cherry medicine bubble gum. First of all, Cherry Medicine is one of the worst tastes ever. Second, Bubble Gum should never be mixed with Medicine. Bleck

Well, I hope I have warned you substantially about Big Red, Don't fall Prey to its somewhat nice appearance!